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This Happened.. with a Tomato.

(pictures below)

“Tooooo many tomatoes!!!!!!!”,  said you.

Is that what you’ve been saying lately as you survey your garden? A little over zealous when you planted your little starlet seedlings, hmm? I can hear it now ” Ooohh, I’m going to can/freeze/dehydrate tons of tomatoes, and I’m gonna make stewed tomatoes, salsa, and TONS of healthy sauce!”.

I know, because I said the same thing.

While the tomato plants on my side of the world aren’t quite ruby-red globes yet, (and I can see I have a shitload coming), I know in other spots of the world they are screaming to come off the vine. What do to with all of them is what’s playing on every well-intentioned gardeners mind.

So when you’re all salsa’d out,  you can’t stand the thought of ANOTHER can of tomato sauce, and every neighbor in a mile radius of you pretends not to see you when you offer them a basket like a Price is Right model,…….. try this recipe.

Oooh I’m telling you, this recipe is fanfreakintastic! If you like the combination of bacon and tomato………. wait… what am  I saying.. “IF”???? EVERYONE likes that combo and if you don’t, well, I’m breaking up with you, because I can’t be friends with people who don’t like a bacon tomato combo, I mean come on!!!

In an effort to eat less carbs lately, (namely anything starchy and white) I skipped the BLT sandwich idea. Here’s the better plan:

A good size tomato.

Slice thickly (3 slices).

Dredge the slices first in coconut flour, then egg, then in seasoned almond flour mixed with shredded parmesan cheese. You can choose any seasoning your beautiful heart desires. I chose a bit of seasoning salt, rosemary, lemon pepper seasoning and some garlic powder.


Fry till golden on each side.



Dollop on a bit of sour cream, bacon and then finish with chopped chives (I used dill, because I didn’t have any chives).


Oh sweet momma. The rich, tomato-y freshness that contrasts off the salty bite of the bacon, mixed with the creaminess of the sour cream, is a combination that could make the heavens open  and harps play Queen’s “We are the champions”. … Ok, maybe not THAT song, but something just as triumphant. Seriously my lovies, this recipe is amazing.

I’ve seen a different version of this miracleness made by what has to be one of the hottest chefs in Canada. Like.. SUPER hot. If you’re thinking Chef Chuck Hughes, you’d be right. Clean the drool off your lip, I know.. I know….. he’s so sexy right?  His version was to dredge the tomato in your standard flour egg and panko mix, and instead of bacon, he used pancetta.  So yeah… pancetta, shmancetta!!! Bacon works just as well if you’re not feeling fancy.

You could serve these as the headliner on your plate with a side salad, or they can easily play co-star as the side dish. This is a fresh, cheap, SUPER TASTY way to enjoy your summer bounty.  If you brought these to a barbecue in the neighborhood, I’m pretty sure you’d be the one most talked about…………………………………….. in a good way.

What are some of the ways you’re going to use your summer tomatoes? Leave a comment below and let us know!

Phood at The Phork

The Phork
9710 110 Street Capital Place Building
Edmonton, Alberta

Phunny how things are spelled sometimes.

I owed my incredibly handsome nephew a meal and I had recently came across a Groupon deal for a new restaurant called “The Phork”. Usually, restaurants with spellings like this, or with kitchy names like The Crazy Giraffe or The Pink Zebra, usually make me roll my eyes. I just don’t understand that type of restaurant naming.

The Phork is a new restaurant that’s been open for 3 weeks or so, and had a Groupon “coupon” for $50.00 value if you spent $25.00.  If you’ve been reading my incredibly interesting blog at all, you’d be getting to know that my cheap ass can’t pass up a good deal, regardless of the name of the joint.

They’re located on the main floor of the Capital Place Building and parking is available underground. HOWEVER. Be warned.  If you have a somewhat tallish SUV, the clearance is only 6’1 and unless you want to cause by-standards to run to your vehicle door, flailing arms, mouthing STOP, STOP, and generally making a scene so you don’t slowly and painfully scrape the roof racks off the top of your ride,…. you’ll want to park on the street. Just thought,.. you know.. that I’d mention that.


Moving on, let’s chat briefly about the decor. Let’s just say, I loved it. They seated us by the window  with a nice view that sort of overlooks the river valley and the high level bridge with peeks of the skyline. Rich dark woods, a contemporary decor that’s comfortable and impressive at the same time.

thephork2 phork2

We were seated to the table, and our drink order was taken immediately. Our server came and gave us the info on the specials and what dishes have been popular, which is a nice tip for those who aren’t sure what to order.


We decided to share a half order of their Crisp Ambrosia Apple and Red Anjou Pear Slaw Salad (gathered greens, Canadian oka, orange and grapefruit & maple citrus vinaigrette) to start, and for our main lunch, I ordered the The Boar Belly Chicken Club (crisp greens, tomato, aged cheddar, bacon mayo) and my nephew ordered The Hand Formed Alberta Bison Burger (Caramelized red onion jam, chiffonade romaine, oven dried tomato, wild mushroom and truffle aioli, water chiabatta bun).

The salad:


It was crispy and sweet from the apples and pears, and the tartness was nice from the citrus fruit segments. The way they cut the apple and pear in match sticks made it a bit awkward to eat as there’s no way to eat them and still look pretty. Thank God I wasn’t on a date and my nephew thinks I’m awesome regardless of how stupid I look when I eat.

Every bite was different – sweet, tart, and at times you’d get a hit of the Oka cheese, or a salty bite from what I think was finishing salt. All over, the salad was quite nice, but it was BEGGING for some sort of nut. Almonds or walnuts, whatever… please, hear it’s cry and add some nuts!

The Boar Bacon Chicken Club:


Ok, so first, the crappy news. My sandwich was…….. ho-hum. You know, kinda like when u kiss someone you’re not sure if you’re into. It was nice… but no “wow” factor. The boar bacon was thick and tasty, but when everything was all combined between the bun, it was all one note. Nothing really stood out, the flavors just kinda huddled together and kept to themselves. I’m not saying it was bad, don’t get me wrong. It was nice, juicy, and a popular pick on the menu apparently, but it was kind of the under-achiever of the meal. It should be noted that the fries were damn good, though. Hand cut and not overcooked, sharp, cut-your-mouth-open, little spears – like some places make them.


The Side Ceasar:


Garrett’s burger came with a side of caesar salad. The romaine was grilled in wedge style and had everything that should be in a caesar salad piled on top of the romaine. He loved it. He said that grilling the romaine added a great flavor and the dressing was rich and flavorful. At one point, he had a larger bite of an anchovy, but it didn’t deter him.

The Bison Burger:


The burger itself was SUPER moist and juicy, which is impressive being bison – so easy to overcook into a puck. The red onion jam stood up with a nice tarty sweetness against the meatyness of the bison and the bun was soft and chewy. Almost too soft, as both my sandwich and his burger were falling apart as you ate them. No biggie tho. Being as cool as we both are, we rolled with it, and they were thoughtful to toast the bun which ALWAYS makes bread a bit more kick-ass. So honestly saying, with the exception of the fall apart bun, the bison burger was the BEST burger I’ve had in a VERY long time. It’s what burger dreams are made of,  know what I’m sayin’?

It also should be noted that The Phork is open early for us morning lovers (7:30 a.m.) who want breakfast out, and for those who are still awake after 10, they have a late night tapas menu that runs till 2am. Impressive right? Weekends have live music as well.

All in all, I can forgive the kitchy spelling because I REALLY like this place so far. I will definitely be back to check out their dinner menu, see that view at night with all the lights and soft music, and if I drink enough coffee, I might make it to the tapas menu for after ten.

Lastly, this place is perfect for a date night, people. Reasonably priced, great service, good food, and super sexy ambiance. SURELY the recipe to possibly pay off later…. wink wink :)


The Phork on Urbanspoon

SHUDDUP AND MANGIA!!!….. or not.

Chicken Parmigiana.

Ok wait………. one more time:


Now, imagine you heard me say that with THE COOLEST Italian accent EVER.  I sound sexy right?  (nod your head.) That’s right, because italian accents are SUPER sexy.  You know it, I know it, the whole world knows it.  Having said that,  please hold onto that imagination because THIS chick with the ukrainian/dutch-heritage-but-born-in-Canada background, SUCKS at accents in real life. Honestly.  I’m AWFUL at them.

However, as much as I suck at accents, I’m pretty good at eating italian cuisine. I have a full-fledged, flat-out LOVE of all things pasta. I also have the ass to prove it. But hey, that’s a story for another day, and as I prepare to get out my Thighmaster, I give you the second installment in the Forkin’  Foodie’s Frozen Food Foray!

#2~ Lean Cuisine, Chicken Parmigiana.

Here’s the box:


The Goods:

280 Calories, 8g fat, 33g carb, 18g protein, and 600mg of sodium which is 25% of your daily allowance.

Food Tray Op:


Heating Directions:

1. Pierce.   2. Cook on HIGH for 6 min. Stir Pasta at 4 min.     3. Let stand 2 min.

This is the box at the stirring part:


Plated Meal:

The Two~Bite Review

Feelin’ hopeful was my state of mind. The aroma was tomato-ey and somewhat promising of a semi-authentic italian bite. On bite #1 one, the pasta was just… meh. Edible. Slightly overcooked, but not mushy. BUT, on a good note, I actually liked the sauce! It was well seasoned and I was pleased to see the seemingly fresh chunks of tomato and zucchini, unfortunately the cooking instructions caused the zucchini to be soft and limp like……. well, .. we’ll leave that one alone. I have to say though, on my count, there were only TWO lousy pieces of zucchini in the whole meal, and “coincidentally” they only show two pieces on the damn box. Makes me wonder, is there really someone standing there, hating life with two tiny chunks of veg in hand, dropping them in the sauce as they whiz by on the line? Come the hell on, Lean Cuisine, or shall we say NESTLE, you can’t spring for a few more pieces of veg?  Sheesh. Add more veggies and healthy up that shit!

The Cheese. Ahhh the cheese. It was like a blonde with big tits at a mensa party. It was like it didn’t exist, and what was actually there CERTAINLY didn’t live up the expectations promised on the box.

Now the “chicken”.  You KNOW what I’m going to say about this, don’t you? Yes, you smartypants, you have it right….. sorta. The chicken (and I use the term “chicken” lightly) is of the NUGGET sort. You know… bits and pieces, chopped and formed.. .seasoned.. then molded into a shape you might recognize. I don’t like or eat NUGGETS, but if you do, then you’ll maybe like this “chicken”. The flavor of the meat itself was like the previous post – “meaty”-  but not what I identify as being chicken. The breading on it surprisingly has a nice herbed taste to it, although it was a bit soggy because of the sauce it was cooked with.


See what I mean??? Nugget. Chopped and formed. Ugh.

All in all, it wasn’t that bad. I think if I was to have it again (and I won’t) that I would gauge the remaining cooking time at the 4 minute “stir” point. Maybe my microwave is on steroids. Maybe my microwave should be called “Arnold”.  Maybe it should have said “Take dat shit owt won minute earlia”.

See… just no damn good with the accents.

I give Lean Cuisine’s Chicken Parmigiana: