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It honestly seemed like a good idea at the time…….

So in the whole spirit of low carbing, sometimes I get these……..um…… “brilliant” ideas. Yes my dear readers, let me introduce you to “breaded” low carb mozza sticks!!

Yummmmy!
Easy Peasy, right?
Let me show you how!!

In one container large enough to fit your average mozza stick, place a few tablespoons of almond flour.

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In another container, one beaten egg.

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In the last container, place a few tablespoons of coconut flour, and season it really, really well. I used seasoning salt, pepper, and other seasoning that suited my fancy at the time…. cuz I AM fancy.

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In a nice, super hot pan with oil (don’t let it smoke), place your “breaded” mozza stick and keep an eye on it. Keep flipping OFTEN, so it can brown nicely on all sides.

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Yep. Goooooooooood idea on paper folks.

But really?………………………..

BIG FAT FAIL.

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JUST DON’T DO IT..
Back to the drawing board.

It all happened when I had to redeem my crappy friend status……..

EL CORTEZ
TEQUILA BAR + KITCHEN
10322 83 Ave NW,
Edmonton, AB

“Ugh, I forgot to phone you back” I texted to her, feeling like a bag of shit. “No worries”, she said ” You can redeem your crappy friend status if you meet me at a new spot tonight that I’ve wanted to try for a while”, Brandy, (my cool, smart, witty friend who is a great foodie as well) bargained. “Hell ya!” I said, after taking a peek at the online menu.  By the way, I need to give a big shout out to restaurants who put their menu’s online. There’s nothing worse than the moment when you realize you hate everything on the menu, and so now you have no choice but to just get drunk because booze is all you can to order. It really cuts on down the awkwardness.

El Cortez is a new spot that’s opened in the old Sweet 69 space on Gateway Blvd Northbound. Now, to be fair, I don’t know a lot about mexican fare, but my girl Brandy does. She spent time traveling around Mexico and the girl can make a wicked taco – not to mention knowing her way around an excellent ceviche.  She would lead the evening in the food selections and I of course, would just be funny, gorgeous entertaining self.

I arrived before her, so I found a comfy seat by the window (picnic table style) and took a look around. Let me tell you, the decor in this place KICKS ASS!! I’ve not seen anything like it, and would hazard a guess that the rest of Edmonton hasn’t either. Brandy said she read somewhere that the decor could be described like an old gangster setup, rough and tough, all grafitti’d up and expectant of dude with a handlebar mustache (think Danny Trejo kinda, in “Machete”) to come in with guns a blazin’,… but then his girlfriend comes in and throws in her girly touch to the mix. (That’s the gist of what she was saying anyway.) Take a look at this awesome decor. It’s literally an exciting sight for bored eyes that are SO done with looking at the same old sleek-clean-lines-wood-steel decorating that tries too hard in that  “I’m trying to be cool” way.

There’s no trying here, El Cortez decor IS cool.

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Oh, our server was super cool too. She did a great job. She had great suggestions  – I wanted a fruity type drink, so she suggested one that was on the menu. Unfortunately, they were out of the alcohol needed to make it. (Ummmmm… On a thursday night, you’re out of booze for certain drinks on your menu??) So, I picked another drink off the menu:

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Wooooeeeeeee!!!! I took a sip, and instantly feared talking in the direction of the burning candle. Flame thrower is not a good look for any girl. Boooooozy!!! If your idea of a cocktail is pure alcohol, then you may like it.  But my inner alchie is a pansy-ass so I didn’t like the drink. Finally, I settled on a glass of white which was again, one of the servers suggestions, and it was fine.

Appetizers:

TAQUITO:  Ahi tuna wrapped in a tortilla with wasabi avocado crema, onion, pickle, tomato and watercress.

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This appetizer was DELISH!! The wrap was warm and crispy, the tuna firm and succulent. The wasabi crema could have been a bit more plentiful on the plate, but what was there added a slightly spicy creaminess that helped tone down the pickle on the crunchy onion. It all worked together wonderfully. Was it worth the 17 dollars for the appetizer?  No. However, it was pretty damn tasty.

 

CEVICHE: Albacore tuna, sweet potato, roasted corn, cilantro, chilies with tortilla chips3
Snoooore. This ceviche limped along, trying to act all ceviche like, but just couldn’t cut it. We even tried to help it by asking for extra lime and salt, but it was just no bueno. It was bland with the occasional hit of sweetness from the corn and… sweet potato. Sweet potato in a ceviche? That was a first for us but we were willing to keep an open mind, and it just didn’t cut it. It was a miss for both of us. However, I have to say, the tableware in this joint is INCREDIBLY gorgeous. Every dish was served on a great piece of pottery that gave it an authentic feel. I want to have it.
 
Now.
 
Ok, moving on……
 
Salad:
 
Watermelon Salad: Squares of watermelon with jalapeno, shallot, water cress, and torched queso with a tequila lime dressing.
 
 
 
 
 
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This salad sounded so delectable in words. I was SO excited because really, I could be a watermelon kingpin. I’d love to have a watermelon empire if I lived somewhere hot, because I simply love watermelon so much. Unfortunately, it almost whispered “sorry” to me when the server brought it our table. Again, cool ass plate, but approximately five pieces of watermelon with barely “torched” (not really even melted) cheese on top. If by saying onion, they meant radish, then that part was good and crispy, but I saw no onion on the plate. The dressing was nice, but I think they put chili oil on the plate as well? Sorry, another let down.
 
Tacos:
 
We ordered three kinds:
1.Fried cheese, jalapeno and mango slaw with bacon bits and crema

2. Beef cheek, poblano mole, queso fresca, guacamole and radish

3. Smoked pulled pork, kale kimchi, fried peppers and crema

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1. The fried cheese (top) – It was not bad. Again, nothing really bad about it, but nothing spectacular either. The mango was nice with it but it just needed something to bring it up a level or two…

2. The beef cheeks (left) – This was very rich. Beef cheeks are luxurious and unctuous to begin with and with a rich guacamole, it was rich on rich. The radish wasn’t enough to cut the richness, but again,
if you like rich on rich, you’ll love them.

3. Pulled pork (right) – Nice! Smoky flavor from the sauce in the pork and a little crunch from the fried peppers. The kale kimchi was a little lost, but this was good in general.

So overall, the food was………. lack luster. It had some really amazing stuff (the taquito) and a dish that really made it stumble (the ceviche). In between all that, were the salad and tacos that were simply average.  El Cortez can’t survive on the decor alone, and I hope that the menu works out the blandish kinks.  Brandy and  I both decided that as it now, it’s a great place to go after work for some drinks and an appetizer, but as a great dining experience… not so much. I think the items on the menu are great, but they just really need to be tweaked in terms of flavor. That being said, if they get the menu right, coupled with that kickass decor and cool ambience, they could have a super popular spot would do really, really well.

El Cortez Tequila Bar and Kitchen on Urbanspoon

This Happened.. with a Tomato.

TOMATO PATTIES
(pictures below)

“Tooooo many tomatoes!!!!!!!”,  said you.

Is that what you’ve been saying lately as you survey your garden? A little over zealous when you planted your little starlet seedlings, hmm? I can hear it now ” Ooohh, I’m going to can/freeze/dehydrate tons of tomatoes, and I’m gonna make stewed tomatoes, salsa, and TONS of healthy sauce!”.

I know, because I said the same thing.

While the tomato plants on my side of the world aren’t quite ruby-red globes yet, (and I can see I have a shitload coming), I know in other spots of the world they are screaming to come off the vine. What do to with all of them is what’s playing on every well-intentioned gardeners mind.

So when you’re all salsa’d out,  you can’t stand the thought of ANOTHER can of tomato sauce, and every neighbor in a mile radius of you pretends not to see you when you offer them a basket like a Price is Right model,…….. try this recipe.

Oooh I’m telling you, this recipe is fanfreakintastic! If you like the combination of bacon and tomato………. wait… what am  I saying.. “IF”???? EVERYONE likes that combo and if you don’t, well, I’m breaking up with you, because I can’t be friends with people who don’t like a bacon tomato combo, I mean come on!!!

In an effort to eat less carbs lately, (namely anything starchy and white) I skipped the BLT sandwich idea. Here’s the better plan:

A good size tomato.

Slice thickly (3 slices).

Dredge the slices first in coconut flour, then egg, then in seasoned almond flour mixed with shredded parmesan cheese. You can choose any seasoning your beautiful heart desires. I chose a bit of seasoning salt, rosemary, lemon pepper seasoning and some garlic powder.

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Fry till golden on each side.

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Plate.

Dollop on a bit of sour cream, bacon and then finish with chopped chives (I used dill, because I didn’t have any chives).

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Oh sweet momma. The rich, tomato-y freshness that contrasts off the salty bite of the bacon, mixed with the creaminess of the sour cream, is a combination that could make the heavens open  and harps play Queen’s “We are the champions”. … Ok, maybe not THAT song, but something just as triumphant. Seriously my lovies, this recipe is amazing.

I’ve seen a different version of this miracleness made by what has to be one of the hottest chefs in Canada. Like.. SUPER hot. If you’re thinking Chef Chuck Hughes, you’d be right. Clean the drool off your lip, I know.. I know….. he’s so sexy right?  His version was to dredge the tomato in your standard flour egg and panko mix, and instead of bacon, he used pancetta.  So yeah… pancetta, shmancetta!!! Bacon works just as well if you’re not feeling fancy.

You could serve these as the headliner on your plate with a side salad, or they can easily play co-star as the side dish. This is a fresh, cheap, SUPER TASTY way to enjoy your summer bounty.  If you brought these to a barbecue in the neighborhood, I’m pretty sure you’d be the one most talked about…………………………………….. in a good way.

What are some of the ways you’re going to use your summer tomatoes? Leave a comment below and let us know!

Clarks is kinda Super, man..Hehe, I kill me.

Clarks Restaurant
Suite 170-130 Broadway Blvd,
Sherwood Park, AB

So you should know by now, my illustrious readers, that I like cheap. Not cheap quality mind you, but cheap price tags. I can appreciate quality in things and will happily pay for it. However, I can’t help but get all giddy and flushed when I find quality AND a cheap price in once spot.

I’ve been to this little gem called Clarks twice now in the last two weeks. Once for breakfast to meet a super cool friend of mine who sells sex toys for a living, (told you she was cool), and another time for lunch with my Mom. ( My mom doesn’t sell sex toys for a living, and while I thank God for that, she’s still cool.)

So I’m only going to review the lunch with Mom for this post because I wasn’t thinking to take photos of the breakfast I had with my cool friend, plus my Mom said “Hey, you should review this place”.

Smartypants.

Easy to find, this little spot has maybe 10 tables in the whole place, I think. Surprisingly, it was about half full at 12:30 in the afternoon, (thought it might be busier), but our server greeted us immediately when we walked in the door and brought us to a table. Taking our drink order and giving us menu’s she left us to decide.

The prices on this menu are amazing people! Mom ordered liver and onions (she could have ordered the senior’s size for $6.50 – one scoop of mashed potatoes with gravy, two pieces of liver, and vegetables – but she’s in denial about the senior thing I think – so she ordered the normal portion). She went on about how she hasn’t eaten liver for almost a year, and I reminded her that it’s been about 25 years since I’ve eaten it. I’d rather run naked through a cactus patch and bathe in a tub of vinegar than eat liver.

Ok, not quite, ….. but well, honestly?…… Maybe.

I ordered their house burger (can’t remember the name of it dammit!), but it had cheese, bacon and mushrooms on it with all the other burger paraphernalia, and fries. The price for that burger rang in at $8.99.

When the dishes came to the table, my mom seemed super pleased with her decision. She tried her first bite of the liver and looked up to the ceiling and said ” OH MY GOD” (all dramatic like),  with an added “this is the best liver I”ve had in a very long time!!”. The waitress came along and Mom repeated what she expressed loud enough for all the other tables sitting around us to hear, and then the waitress went straight away into the kitchen and you could her yell… “JUAN!! Hey JUUAAAAN!!! -The liver and onions are excellent she said!”.

She had started eating it by the time I took the photo.. sorry peeps, but here it is! :

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Mom figured the liver was slightly coated in a panko type coating and fried slightly crispy, but not like “shoe leather”. The gravy tasted home-style, the mash was smooth and creamy and she said the veggies were very good – fresh, not from frozen and  not overcooked. All this stupid excitement over the liver made me think I had to try it.

So I cut a very small piece and kinda dipped in some gravy.

It was crispy on the outside, tender, and still tasted disgustingly like liver to me. But I will admit, it was the very best of all the gross tasting liver I’ve ever had in my life.

For real – If you love liver,  you will love Clarks’ liver.

(Somehow that sounded weird, but you get what I’m saying)

My burger was pretty good. The patty was house made and slightly dense, almost overworked, but very tasty. The cheese and bacon were nice but it could have used a few more mushrooms. All in all, the portion size was more than worth that price tag. Hell, you’re gonna pay that same price pretty much at MacDonald’s and the patties there are like shingles.

Ma burgah pic:

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Our server was VERY attentive and incidentally, an older lady who’s been with the company for 22 years. This lady worked her ass off, was super friendly and made sure we were looked after. She was worth the generous tip, without question!

On a side note, their breakfasts are super decent (EG: 2 eggs, 2 pancakes, 2 sausage, 2 bacon for $5.35.) and they have a huge variety of different Eggs Benedict if you’re looking for something other than the original.

I will definitely be going back to Clarks for breakfast or lunch. Apparently for dinner, it becomes a chinese food place, which is great, but I can’t comment right now because I’ve not tried it…………………………..

Yet.

Phood at The Phork

The Phork
9710 110 Street Capital Place Building
Edmonton, Alberta

Phunny how things are spelled sometimes.

I owed my incredibly handsome nephew a meal and I had recently came across a Groupon deal for a new restaurant called “The Phork”. Usually, restaurants with spellings like this, or with kitchy names like The Crazy Giraffe or The Pink Zebra, usually make me roll my eyes. I just don’t understand that type of restaurant naming.

The Phork is a new restaurant that’s been open for 3 weeks or so, and had a Groupon “coupon” for $50.00 value if you spent $25.00.  If you’ve been reading my incredibly interesting blog at all, you’d be getting to know that my cheap ass can’t pass up a good deal, regardless of the name of the joint.

They’re located on the main floor of the Capital Place Building and parking is available underground. HOWEVER. Be warned.  If you have a somewhat tallish SUV, the clearance is only 6’1 and unless you want to cause by-standards to run to your vehicle door, flailing arms, mouthing STOP, STOP, and generally making a scene so you don’t slowly and painfully scrape the roof racks off the top of your ride,…. you’ll want to park on the street. Just thought,.. you know.. that I’d mention that.

Ahem.

Moving on, let’s chat briefly about the decor. Let’s just say, I loved it. They seated us by the window  with a nice view that sort of overlooks the river valley and the high level bridge with peeks of the skyline. Rich dark woods, a contemporary decor that’s comfortable and impressive at the same time.

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We were seated to the table, and our drink order was taken immediately. Our server came and gave us the info on the specials and what dishes have been popular, which is a nice tip for those who aren’t sure what to order.

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We decided to share a half order of their Crisp Ambrosia Apple and Red Anjou Pear Slaw Salad (gathered greens, Canadian oka, orange and grapefruit & maple citrus vinaigrette) to start, and for our main lunch, I ordered the The Boar Belly Chicken Club (crisp greens, tomato, aged cheddar, bacon mayo) and my nephew ordered The Hand Formed Alberta Bison Burger (Caramelized red onion jam, chiffonade romaine, oven dried tomato, wild mushroom and truffle aioli, water chiabatta bun).

The salad:

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It was crispy and sweet from the apples and pears, and the tartness was nice from the citrus fruit segments. The way they cut the apple and pear in match sticks made it a bit awkward to eat as there’s no way to eat them and still look pretty. Thank God I wasn’t on a date and my nephew thinks I’m awesome regardless of how stupid I look when I eat.

Every bite was different – sweet, tart, and at times you’d get a hit of the Oka cheese, or a salty bite from what I think was finishing salt. All over, the salad was quite nice, but it was BEGGING for some sort of nut. Almonds or walnuts, whatever… please, hear it’s cry and add some nuts!

The Boar Bacon Chicken Club:

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Ok, so first, the crappy news. My sandwich was…….. ho-hum. You know, kinda like when u kiss someone you’re not sure if you’re into. It was nice… but no “wow” factor. The boar bacon was thick and tasty, but when everything was all combined between the bun, it was all one note. Nothing really stood out, the flavors just kinda huddled together and kept to themselves. I’m not saying it was bad, don’t get me wrong. It was nice, juicy, and a popular pick on the menu apparently, but it was kind of the under-achiever of the meal. It should be noted that the fries were damn good, though. Hand cut and not overcooked, sharp, cut-your-mouth-open, little spears – like some places make them.

Ugh.

The Side Ceasar:

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Garrett’s burger came with a side of caesar salad. The romaine was grilled in wedge style and had everything that should be in a caesar salad piled on top of the romaine. He loved it. He said that grilling the romaine added a great flavor and the dressing was rich and flavorful. At one point, he had a larger bite of an anchovy, but it didn’t deter him.

The Bison Burger:

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The burger itself was SUPER moist and juicy, which is impressive being bison – so easy to overcook into a puck. The red onion jam stood up with a nice tarty sweetness against the meatyness of the bison and the bun was soft and chewy. Almost too soft, as both my sandwich and his burger were falling apart as you ate them. No biggie tho. Being as cool as we both are, we rolled with it, and they were thoughtful to toast the bun which ALWAYS makes bread a bit more kick-ass. So honestly saying, with the exception of the fall apart bun, the bison burger was the BEST burger I’ve had in a VERY long time. It’s what burger dreams are made of,  know what I’m sayin’?

It also should be noted that The Phork is open early for us morning lovers (7:30 a.m.) who want breakfast out, and for those who are still awake after 10, they have a late night tapas menu that runs till 2am. Impressive right? Weekends have live music as well.

All in all, I can forgive the kitchy spelling because I REALLY like this place so far. I will definitely be back to check out their dinner menu, see that view at night with all the lights and soft music, and if I drink enough coffee, I might make it to the tapas menu for after ten.

Lastly, this place is perfect for a date night, people. Reasonably priced, great service, good food, and super sexy ambiance. SURELY the recipe to possibly pay off later…. wink wink :)

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The Phork on Urbanspoon

Eet smakelijk at De Dutch!!

De Dutch
10030 Jasper Ave
Edmonton, AB
(587) 520-8841

PANNEKOEKEN.

Go ahead – try to pronounce that and look cool at the same time.

Feeling about as cultured as a bag of Doritos and a hot dog in a bread-bun, my awesome self went for breakfast with my equally awesome friend Brandy, to check out the latest dutch pannekoeken (pancake) house we’d heard so much about. This dutch breakfast joint has over 23 locations and specializes in the big as a beach ball pancake….. with stuff on it. (Think dinner plate size, thicker type crepe). A side note, they do have lunch items should it be minus a zillion celsius outside and nose-cicles first thing in the morning aren’t your thing.

Walking into De Dutch, the decor is SUPER hip. Orange, yellow and creams, a clean, contemporary style. Bright and welcoming with huge canvas maps of different cities in The Netherlands on the walls. However, there was a tv on the wall which was playing the news I think, which seemed a bit out of place, but in hindsight, it’s probably for all those soccer fans (or you know… staff) who want know what’s going on with the game.

It was early and there was only one other table with customers. I’d heard this place lines up past the door, so I was happy to be able to actually choose where we wanted to sit. Our waitress immediately appeared at the table, ready to take drink orders. We ordered coffee, she dropped the menus and left us to it.

Now let me say, if you’ve ever been to Holland, you KNOW about the coffee. Sweet baby Jesus, the coffee. Listen, love me or hate me, I tell the truth when I say, in my opinion, Timmie’s is SWAMP WATER when compared to this coffee.

*gasp*

How dare I say such thing? Listen, I’m not saying anything that a well seasoned coffee aficionado doesn’t already know. While not served in the same fashion as a lot of cool coffee shops would in Holland, the taste was EXACTLY what I remembered. PERFECT for what you want for a cold, just woke up kinda, sunday morning coffee. (Or any other day, really.)

The regular type will wake you up and is super rich and smooth, and the high-test – (regular with a shot of espresso in it) will SLAP you happy. Strong, smooth and full of gloriousness.  People, I would literally drive all the way downtown JUST for a cup of their coffee.

I ADORE these menus!

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We decided to order the same way we did at Canteen; two dishes, two clean plates for sharing. We decided on their popular Hash Pannekoeken, and the Strawberry Cheese Cake Pannekoeken.  From the menu, here’s the description:

The Strawberry Cheesecake:
Sweetened Cream Cheese, Strawberry Topping and Whipped Cream
(pretty straight forward)

The Hash:
Stuffed with Hash Browns, Mushroom, Green Pepper, Onion and Cheddar mixed with your choice of Ham, DeBakon*, Sausage, Turkey Bacon or Vegetarian with Hollandaise Sauce.  I know what your thinking and I already asked for you. DeBakon is bacon that comes from the shoulder of the pig. Leaner, and more like a Canadian Bacon type of thing.

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So this hash is served in a boat-type serving dish, ATOP the thin pannekoeken which according to the menu, has a 37″ circumference.  It wasn’t stuffed anywhere, so I’m not sure what they meant when saying it was “stuffed”. I thought it odd that they would serve the plate the hash was in,  on top of something your supposed to eat.  Imagine putting your steak on a plate and then putting that plate on top of your garlic toast. Wierd, and it made me a bit twitchy hoping that the hash dish didn’t see any sketchy kitchen surfaces before it nestled on top my pancake.

I liked the fact that all the items in the hash were cut all pretty much the same size. No big chunks of peppers or potato. The bacon or,.. sorry,…. DeBakon, …… was a nice accompaniment and didn’t take over the dish. The hollandaise …. well…… .  First, we had to ask for extra because it was quickly sort of absorbed by the dish’s ingredients, but the sauce itself was…. different. It didn’t have that traditional ‘tang’ from the lemon that you would normally taste. My friend described it as more buttery, which was a perfect descriptor. It was more of a butter type cream sauce that unfortunately, looked slightly broken. HOWEVER, you will never hear me bitch about anything being buttery, so it went really nicely with the hash when you got enough of it on your fork. All in all though, the dish didn’t blow us away.

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The other dish was served the same way, but with smaller containers on top of the pannekoeken. (That kitchen better SCRUB the bottoms of those dishes!) The small tub of strawberries seemed to be the frozen/thawed type and not fresh strawberries. But I guess that’s why they called it “topping” on the menu. Either way it was good. The sweetened cream cheese was yummy, not too sweet, and the whipped cream was great, but the best of the dish was the pannekoeken. It wasn’t heavy, and the texture was really great. It was perfect because it was not a lead blanket like a pancake can be sometimes, but it was more substantial than a fragile crepe. When all ingredients were put together and you shoved in your mouth – yeah….. how can you go wrong with that combo?

All in all, I definitely will go back to De Dutch. I loved the decor, and the service was friendly, helpful, timely and not annoying. The food, while it had a few tiny issues, was good. Next time I go though, I will ask for the dishes to come on a separate plate, and I’ll bring a thermos to buy extra coffee to bring home.

De Dutch on Urbanspoon

Anthony and His Snazzy Potatoes….

I decided to randomly open Anthony Bourdain’s Les Halles Cookbook and cook the recipe on the page it opened at.

Gratin Dauphinois,
page 240 (recipe to follow)

Potatoes, cream, cheese, other stuff.

A.K.A. Scalloped Potatoes

Kinda.

And if not scalloped, DEFINITELY, Snazzy Potatoes.
(Thanks Jamel for “snazzy“. Gotta love that word, SO appropriate for this)

One of the best comfort foods to put in a bowl. You can be all homey and slide on furry slippers, cuddle under a blankie, and fill your face with these  while still eating a SNAZZY upscale potato dish with a french name. You’ll be cool.

Oh, and eat it with a wooden spoon, there’s something just SO much more ‘yummier’ about food when you do that. Seriously, try it. Trust me.

Ok.. so here we go.

Ingredients : Potatoes, cream, cheese, shitloads of garlic, nutmeg, herbs and a bit o’ buttah.

snazzypot

Peel and slice to a quarter-inch, 7 Yukon gold potatoes.

Um yeah,..  I just used regular white ones and a mandolin.

Why use a knife when you can tempt fate and digit health when you have a mandolin??? Thrills and spills man,.. thrills and spills. That’s my M.O.

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Smash up the garlic, but leave it sort of whole so you can fish it out later. Like this:

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Throw the potatoes with the garlic into the pot and add the cream, herbs, salt, pepper and nutmeg.

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Bring to a boil and then turn down heat to simmer for 10 minutes. Meanwhile, preheat your oven to 350.

After ten minutes, put potatoes into a buttered dish, fish out the herbs and garlic from the cream, and pour the cream over the potatoes.

Sprinkle the grated cheese over the dish and throw it in oven.

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Cook for 45 minutes.

Ok, so that’s what the recipe says to do.. but by the time I took the potatoes from the pot and put then in the dish, they were pretty soft, so to cook them for an additional 45 minutes is just crazy talk unless you want a mass of mushy brown/burnt potatoes stuck to your pan. Use your judgement though, you aren’t stupid, my pretties. You can figure out this timing thing. I cooked mine for 25 minutes. They weren’t all golden brown and gorgeous like a brazilian model, so I cheated and used the culinary self tanner.

THE BROILER.

3 minutes did the trick.

Check it  out:

snazzypot5Okokokok.. they could be a bit more “golden” on the scale of brown,

but hey, what if I burned the stuff….. THEN what?? What sort of photos would I have to impress all you beautiful people with???

Cuz…….you ARE impressed, right?……… RIGHT??

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Review:

Bland with a capital BORING.

They were rich and creamy, no doubt. The cheese added more richness, but wow man…B.L.A.N.D.

Even with all that garlic flavor infused into the cream, I actually added extra salt to liven it up a tad and that helped. The cheese on the top was yummy and flavorful, but I could have slumped over and started snoring with the spoon hanging out of my mouth when I tasted the inside.

However, that being said, if you like food on the more tempered side, and love the richness of sultry whipping cream with melted cheese and soft potatoes, then you’ll love this dish. It will wrap it’s starchy little arms around you and rub your back while you lay your head on it’s breast as it lulls you in Carb Land. It’s good for that, and it won’t mind that you have garlic breath from hell.

FROM HELL.

I give Anthony Bourdains Gratin Dauphinois a

6/10

blueforkinfoodiestamp

RECIPE:

8 servings

– 7 medium Yukon Gold potatoes

– 1 cup heavy cream

– 1-½ cups whole milk

– 5 cloves garlic, crushed and peeled, divided

– ¼ teaspoon dried thyme

– 1 sprig rosemary, about 4 inches long

– 2 sprigs Italian parsley

– ¼ teaspoon ground nutmeg

– 2 teaspoons kosher salt or to taste

– ¼ teaspoon ground white or black pepper

– 1 tablespoon butter

– 4 ounces Gruyère cheese, grated

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Peel potatoes and cut lengthwise into quarters; cut crosswise into slices about ¼-inch thick. Place in a 6-quart pot with cream, milk, 4 crushed cloves garlic, thyme, rosemary, parsley, nutmeg, salt and pepper. Bring to a high simmer over medium-high heat, reduce heat to medium-low and simmer gently 6 minutes. (Stir often to prevent potatoes from sticking to bottom of pot.) Remove pot from heat and discard garlic and herb sprigs.

2. Use remaining clove garlic to run around the inside of a 2-½-quart gratin or baking dish. Butter the inside of the dish well so that it’s evenly coated. Transfer potatoes and cream to the dish and sprinkle top with Gruyere cheese. Bake about 45 minutes or until browned and bubbling. Remove from oven and let rest 10 to 15 minutes before serving.

From “Anthony Bourdain’s Les Halles Cookbook”