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Hell’s Cracklins

Hello everyone, my name is Kidfresh and I’m here on a guest review for Forkin’ Foodie. Why was I selected to make this guest review out of the numerous non-Canadians Joanne knows?

Well, the answer is right here:

Bag
I was foolish enough to post this photo on my facebook page because, well, it’s an abomination straight from Hell. But then sweet little Joanne asked me to ingest this labratory experiment and forward my medical records to Forkin’ Foodie.

So, here it goes.

As you can see, I purchased both “flavors” of Lowrey’s Microwave Pork Rinds. Those “flavors” would be:

Original:

bag1

And Hot and Spicy:

Bag2

In reality, the flavors are salt and saltier, but we’ll get into that in a minute.

I was quite surprised to find out that the sodium content was indeed fairly low in comparison to what I was tasting. At 310 mg per serving, this package has less than 1 gram of sodium, which I totally don’t believe. But I digress.

bagcontent
The package looks just like microwave popcorn, but there are some noticeable variations in the instructions.

baginstructions

First of all, you are instructed to “shake the bag 5-6 times to spread the pork rinds around the bag evenly”. My guess is that if you don’t, the clumped up rinds will heat into one whole wild boar and attack you once you open the package. With this in mind, I shook the bag rigorously. So much so in fact, that I heard some of the rind pieces fly from the bag and hit the floor. But curiously, I never found them.

Hmmmmm.

The other instruction that was a departure from the common microwave popcorn was the insistence to “WATCH”  the bag. “Do NOT leave unattended”. Why? Because “the product does not pop”. In fact, “the bag may not expand like popcorn”. Sounded like an ambush to me. I proceeded with caution.

I placed the bag in the microwave on HIGH for 90 seconds. At the one minute mark, it started to smell like Cup O’ Noodles Soup. That didn’t make me feel any safer than the anticipation of the wild boar. The bag did in fact expand, but there was no popping. Instead, I started to hear the cracklin of dem pork cracklins.

When the 90 seconds were done, I pulled the bag out of the oven and opened it up. To my surprise not only was I not mauled or mutilated, but there seemed to normal pork rinds in the bag.

results1

They still looked normal on the plate:

results2
And to my recollection, they tasted normal. And by normal, I mean salty as hell. I haven’t chomped on dese here pork cracklins for over a decade and a half, easily. But they seem to be what I remembered. Crunchy and salty, and just screaming with country fried death.

When I picked up the bag of the Hot and Spicy rinds, I noticed that the bag was really flat. Way too flat to hold the “original” cracklins that were on my plate. So I decided to shake a few out to see what they looked like, pre-atomic blast.

And this is what they looked like:

results3
I don’t deep fry hogs on a regular basis, so I was surprised to see that these little bits of Satan’s meat turn into these ribbons of rinds. Uneasiness crept into my bones once more. But I popped the Hot and Spicy back into the microwave for another 90 seconds and WALLAH!

results4
As you can see, that red tinge is the color of “saltier”. There wasn’t much spice, but a whole lot more salt. I only had 2 or 3 cracklins. That was mainly because I didn’t think I would be able to get the action shot of my heart exploding out of my chest with hypertension if I ate any more than that.

The bottom line is this. If you like pork rinds, you will probably really like this because they not only taste like pork rinds, but you get the added pleasure of getting them hot and cracklin right out of the nuke box. And I do mean cracklin! These things are still cracklin as I write this sentence.

You guys enjoy. I”m calling F.E.M.A.

One response »

  1. Pingback: Too Much Turf In The Surf | forkinfoodie

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