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SHUDDUP AND MANGIA!!!….. or not.

Chicken Parmigiana.

Ok wait………. one more time:


Now, imagine you heard me say that with THE COOLEST Italian accent EVER.  I sound sexy right?  (nod your head.) That’s right, because italian accents are SUPER sexy.  You know it, I know it, the whole world knows it.  Having said that,  please hold onto that imagination because THIS chick with the ukrainian/dutch-heritage-but-born-in-Canada background, SUCKS at accents in real life. Honestly.  I’m AWFUL at them.

However, as much as I suck at accents, I’m pretty good at eating italian cuisine. I have a full-fledged, flat-out LOVE of all things pasta. I also have the ass to prove it. But hey, that’s a story for another day, and as I prepare to get out my Thighmaster, I give you the second installment in the Forkin’  Foodie’s Frozen Food Foray!

#2~ Lean Cuisine, Chicken Parmigiana.

Here’s the box:


The Goods:

280 Calories, 8g fat, 33g carb, 18g protein, and 600mg of sodium which is 25% of your daily allowance.

Food Tray Op:


Heating Directions:

1. Pierce.   2. Cook on HIGH for 6 min. Stir Pasta at 4 min.     3. Let stand 2 min.

This is the box at the stirring part:


Plated Meal:

The Two~Bite Review

Feelin’ hopeful was my state of mind. The aroma was tomato-ey and somewhat promising of a semi-authentic italian bite. On bite #1 one, the pasta was just… meh. Edible. Slightly overcooked, but not mushy. BUT, on a good note, I actually liked the sauce! It was well seasoned and I was pleased to see the seemingly fresh chunks of tomato and zucchini, unfortunately the cooking instructions caused the zucchini to be soft and limp like……. well, .. we’ll leave that one alone. I have to say though, on my count, there were only TWO lousy pieces of zucchini in the whole meal, and “coincidentally” they only show two pieces on the damn box. Makes me wonder, is there really someone standing there, hating life with two tiny chunks of veg in hand, dropping them in the sauce as they whiz by on the line? Come the hell on, Lean Cuisine, or shall we say NESTLE, you can’t spring for a few more pieces of veg?  Sheesh. Add more veggies and healthy up that shit!

The Cheese. Ahhh the cheese. It was like a blonde with big tits at a mensa party. It was like it didn’t exist, and what was actually there CERTAINLY didn’t live up the expectations promised on the box.

Now the “chicken”.  You KNOW what I’m going to say about this, don’t you? Yes, you smartypants, you have it right….. sorta. The chicken (and I use the term “chicken” lightly) is of the NUGGET sort. You know… bits and pieces, chopped and formed.. .seasoned.. then molded into a shape you might recognize. I don’t like or eat NUGGETS, but if you do, then you’ll maybe like this “chicken”. The flavor of the meat itself was like the previous post – “meaty”-  but not what I identify as being chicken. The breading on it surprisingly has a nice herbed taste to it, although it was a bit soggy because of the sauce it was cooked with.


See what I mean??? Nugget. Chopped and formed. Ugh.

All in all, it wasn’t that bad. I think if I was to have it again (and I won’t) that I would gauge the remaining cooking time at the 4 minute “stir” point. Maybe my microwave is on steroids. Maybe my microwave should be called “Arnold”.  Maybe it should have said “Take dat shit owt won minute earlia”.

See… just no damn good with the accents.

I give Lean Cuisine’s Chicken Parmigiana:



One response »

  1. This stuff looks and sounds like the lunch they served in school when I was a kid. Now, I don’t know what the Canadian school system is like (let alone Dutch or Ukrainian) but a lot of the food served in the U.S. urban school system tasted like slaughtered alley cats. And didn’t look much better. But, I may have had a slightly more upscale palate than my school chums. That being said, “I AINT EATIN IT!” (That’s my new tag line) lol


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